I'm Sick

I'm sick.  It's not the constantly throwing-up, "I think I'm gonna die" sick, it's just the "I don't have energy to do anything" sick.  I am sitting here on my living room couch in one of the places in my house that has been unofficially dubbed "MINE" (at least by me), with Sage's blanket on my legs because of the slight chill I feel (on an 80 degree day mind you) and thinking.  I have been reading the next book in the installment of books Casey has recently recommended to me, before and after a 10:30 am nap.  Now one side of my hair is flat and lifeless, which is perfectly apropos for how I'm feeling.  It's not a bad feeling at all, it is just devoid of any emotion or feeling.  While I was reading, I was multi-tasking apparently, since I found myself simultaneously analyzing this physical sickness with the emotional sickness I felt several months ago.

With this particular illness, there is a long list of things of things that I want and need to do -- practice the piano and my voice since I have an upcoming recital, look up hotels in three different cities in Costa Rica since that's the one assignment I have been given for our upcoming trip, iron Dave's shirts and pants that are still hanging in the queue (have HIM do it you say, I actually don't mind ironing and I really like the way he looks in crisp shirts :) ), order a photo book from our last trip, organize and purge some files on my computers, and I ALWAYS need to work on our finances updating everything -- but I just don't have any energy.  My mind is very willing, but my body says "NO".  Well, it doesn't really say it like that, it mostly says, "no".  With my emotional illness (YUK, I hate saying it like that), several months ago, there was still a long list of things I could do, but neither my mind nor my body had any desire whatsoever to do any item on any list.

So, I will sit here and write for a moment, but then I will read again and lose myself in the world of Kristin Cashore and wait patiently for strength to return, AND be extremely grateful that this time I have great confidence it will return very quickly.  I have discovered that it is possible to enjoy the peace of waiting.  It's easier to enjoy it when you don't have the strength or energy to do anything else. ;) Back to "Bitterblue" . . .